If You Complain, You Are To Blame

There is something that we all do every day, yet we usually don’t notice that we are doing it. Nor do we notice the effect that it has on ourselves or on others.

This ‘something’ that we do every day has become so ingrained in us that if we stopped to analyse why we are doing it, I really don’t think we’d have an answer.

The thing that we all do is complain. Complain, complain, complain.

It’s a cloudless day and the sun is shining its warmest embrace. You have the day off work, so you put your feet up to relax on the balcony while reading the paper. It is pure paradise as the birds sing in the background. The only thing wrong is… all the mosquitoes!

Or maybe this is somewhat familiar: You’ve waited so long for your new car to arrive at the dealership and once you get the call that your shiny new model has arrived, you race down to pick it up and drive away.  And then, the traffic light turns red and you start cursing to yourself with utter impatience while you wait for the light to turn green.

Never will we find a perfect situation wherein a person would stop complaining. Even when we finally find a place that is perfect paradise, there’d be mosquitoes.

We have everyday experiences that impact on our reality and on us. It is up to us to determine how these experiences impact us. Shall we get annoyed and complain to anyone who will listen to us? Or should we look for the opportunity within the challenge; should we take it as a lesson learned and move on as a better and improved person? It is a case of one person seeing the glass half empty, while the other sees it as half full.

If it is raining and you get wet, don’t complain that you’re getting wet. Of course you are getting wet! You went into the rain, didn’t you? So, it’s your fault. Just go get an umbrella.

With all the complaining, it seems that everyone is doing the wrong thing, more or less, as we have complaints for everything and everyone…except for ourselves. You see, ‘Complain’ has a cousin. To be able to complain, you have to be able to blame someone or something. So, ‘Blame’ is the cousin of Complain.

As soon as you start blaming others, then it becomes an indefinite belief habit that the problem is ‘them’ or ‘it’, but never ‘me’. Then, as you blame the things and events around you, you start to see the world as the problem. The thought process that follows is that you think you need to change people, things and the world, so that you will not have to complain about them. This leads to the need to control and dominate. You never see it as your fault, and at this stage, you start imposing your beliefs, your rights and your opinions on other people to change them. You try to change people without ever looking inwards towards yourself as the subject that needs changing.

Anyone who has been to a hospital would have expected to see sick people there. Why? Because a hospital is for sick people and they go to the hospital to get better, so we expect to see sick people at a hospital, right? Well, similarly, the world is like a big hospital filled with imperfect people, including yourself and myself, who are all here to get better and to improve and develop ourselves. That’s what life is basically all about — to improve ourselves and cure ourselves of our envy, our greed, our anger. All these sicknesses we have as people, you can cure them by seeing the disease of others. Because the diseases you see, should be reflected upon yourself. You must realise that you too, are not perfect. This is the beginning of making an actual positive change as a person: recognising you are at fault.

Let’s try, even for just one week, to stop complaining. Every morning when you wake up, make a promise to yourself that you won’t complain. You won’t blame. You will look to within for the change that you feel needs to be made in order to stop complaining. Good luck.


Joseph Bismark
Group Managing Director, QI Ltd

2 thoughts on “If You Complain, You Are To Blame

  1. Stress Free Yourself and Respond !!!

    Stress happens when a certain situation is not as per your mindframe. So there is always a reaction in the process.. The reaction leads to questions such as Why ? When ? Who ? Where ? Which ? What ? Dont react but respond !! Respond to every situation in life..

    The sun simply rises and there is no WHY to it… So people and situation begin to change when you drop your WHY’s… Bring harmony and balance in the situation around you ; dont perform under conflict and stress.

    Respond with responsibility… Pain, sorrow , agony , misery can be dealt smoothly if responded with responsibility . Facing situation without condemnation, complain, no word of accusation or allegation , fault finding – respond to sitation and solution comes out.

    Start by responding to nature , the breeze , the sunlight , Just feel it…
    Dont ask WHY it rains , why is sun so sunny ??

    Dont gather stress because you end up finding stress relief… Instead prevent stress..

    Stress leads to inner conflict and reaction – A constant battle within you –
    End this war of fight and self conflict..

    Dont React but Respond to life…

    If it rains , carry an umbrella – You cant ask WHY is it raining…?? If it is sunny , take shelter under shade – You cant ask WHY is it so sunny ??

    Stress is just an imbalance in the state of mind it is a frame of mind-
    In reacting there is hatred and conflict , and in responding there is love and harmony…

    All your stress must come to an end , Rise above the stress – Stress are baseless and meaningless..

    Find Solutions don’t React..

    Don’t React but Respond to life…



  2. Absolutely true….straight to the heart, no BS, it is absolutely true. In short, ONLY THE LAME BLAMES.

    We live in a modern world that knows of nothing but suffocated by complaints. Instead of waking up every morning or even before retiring to bed at night by being tahnkful for the events of the day, despite whatever challenges we may have faced for the day, most people around us tend to COMPLAIN/BLAME. If we are not careful to guard our ears (for what we listen to), our mind and hearts (processing and internalising understanding from what we have heard), we can easily fall into the trap of becoming like such poor dissnting souls. Afterall, birds of feather, flock together.

    A little adjustment a day in the way of how we respond (instead of reacting), is to be thankful and grateful, regardless of the circusmtance. Take for example, when we wake up and look at ourselves in the mirror, why not be thankful that we still have a heart that is still functioning? Why not be thankful that we can still breathe? How about being grateful that we are still able to appreciate the trees and nature around us? Of course, not forgetting to appreciate our family members and our loved ones (despite their shortcomings)?

    Easier said than done? It always begin with the first step. THE FIRST STEP, that is crucial part. When we take the first step, we are reprogramming our mind and heart….we are making a DELIBRATE CHOICE with a CONSCIOUS mind. Yes, we can make the choice to be thankful, instead of being lame by complaining and blaming. And, the best part is, if we keep on becoming grateful and thankful, we shall find that life is much more beautiful and may not be as bad as it seems. Sounds wishy washy? They said denial is not a river in Egypt, but in my humble opinion, the choice to decide of whether to be ever thankful or constant sour gripe taht knows nothing else but complaining and blaming.

    We have a perfect gift in each and everyone of us; the gift of choice…a real double-edged sword.It can work in our favour, it can work against us. The late Mother Teresa once said, faithfulness in little things can bring us a long way. In short, what we focus on expands. If we constant feed our mind (by our own conscious choice) with complaints and blames, it will not help us much.)

    The power and gift of choice is in our hands.

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